1. |
I Miss The Hiss
03:19
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When I was younger I could go down yonder
To the record store
Flip thru the covers one after another
I was never bored
But now everything is on CD
And they don’t have shit
Whatever you are looking for
The guy with a nose ring says
They gotta order it
Dude!
I miss the hiss - Them vinyl records are the best
I tell you this – They put your hearing to the test
A state of bliss – Because the music never stopped
I miss the hiss the snap the crackle and the pop
Oh yes…
The covers all rocked and you didn’t need to check ‘em
With a microscope microscope
The albums were the size of a dinner plate
Stuffed into an envelope envelope
But now everything is on CDs
And they don’t have shit don’t have shit
Whatever you are looking for
That guy with a nose ring says
They gotta order it
Dude!
*
Dude!
Wish I was younger and going down yonder
Like I done before like I done before
Flipping through the records
One after another
Couldn’t ask for more I couldn’t ask for more
But now everything is on CDs
And they don’t have shit they don’t have shit
Whatever you are looking for
That guy with a nose ring says
They gotta order it
Dude!
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2. |
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The following song has been profanity filtered for your family enjoyment
Cat’s ***, rat’s ***, smelly old ***
Sixty-Nine *** bags tied in a knot
*** suck, mother ***, *** lick too
I’m a musical obscenity
Who the *** are you?
Left ***, right ***, *** cheek squeeze
Ugly old *** down between your knees
*** jiggle, *** wiggle, bounce it off your chin
Look out behind you there’s a *** coming in
Big ***ing load and a pile of ***
Hairy old *** and a scary old ***
Pair of *** all covered in scabs
Holy *** got a wicked case of crabs
Eeek!
Left ***, right ***, *** cheek squeeze
Ugly old *** down between your knees
*** jiggle, *** wiggle, bounce it off your chin
Look out behind you there’s a *** coming in
Know what time it is now boys and girls?
Time for a sing-a-long!
Come on up here and join in with me, everybody!
Ready? 1 2 3
(Chorus x3)
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3. |
No Reason To Say Goodbye
03:09
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Everything is dead inside
Everyone makes me cry
I dont want to even live my life
All I want to do is say goodbye
Feel my pain no one can
No one feels the way that I do
No you dont dont say you do
Youre just lying like everyone I knew
Im so sorry its not your fault
Im to blame for everyone in pain
Im insane I am shame
This is the ending of all my pain
Why do I even try
Why do I even try
Why do I even try
Why do I even try
Oh just look around you
The world has found you
And dont you know that its true
Everybody gotta say goodbye
But now the time aint right for you
Oh no
No reason to say goodbye
Because the time aint right for you
No reason to say goodbye
Because the time aint right for you
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4. |
Minivan
02:06
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I just bought a minivan
Turned the key and F-You Man
Seemed like a pretty good deal
But now I bend over and squeal
Because that van don’t go at all
I done got screwed right to the wall
This is about what I am talking
I bought a minivan
But I'm still walking
I like to play the radio
Even if that van don't go
I roll the windows up and down
Pretend I’m driving into town
I done got screwed to the wall
Because that van don’t go at all
This is about what I am bitching
I bought a minivan
But I'm still hitching
I done got screwed right to the wall
Because that van don’t go at all
This is about what I am talking
I bought a minivan but I'm still walking
I bought a minivan but I'm still walking
I bought a minivan but I'm still walking
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5. |
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Hello there!
Where have you gone?
You are number one
And I love you more than any person
Under the sun
What have I done?
Since you been gone
Life just isn’t any fun
Because lately all our conversations
Consist of one
Where have you gone?
Where have you gone?
You are the only one
And I will always love you more than any
Thing under the sun
Where have you gone?
Where have you gone?
Thank you very much, that was a lot of fun.
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6. |
My D-O-G
02:26
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My D-O-G Is a B-I-G F-A-T L-O-A-D
Wants to E-A-T everything in S-I-G-H-T
She ought to B-E on a D-I-E-T
Won't B-I-T-E no C-A-T
Because S-H-E Is A-F-R-A-I-D
W-I-M-P
That my great B-I-G F-A-T
Load of a D-O-G
Yeah that's my D-O-G
She is a B-I-G G-I-A-N-T L-A-R-G-E H-O-R-S-E
My D-O-G eats like a P-I-G
A big F-A-T L-O-A-D
I L-O-V-E my great B-I-G enormous F-A-T
Load of a D-O-G
I L-O-V-E my great B-I-G enormous F-A-T
Load of a D-O-G
I L-O-V-E my great B-I-G enormous F-A-T
Load of a D-O-G
D-O-G
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7. |
This I Swear
02:38
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I look at you in the morning true
And I keep you with me all day
This I swear for those who care
Is what makes life A-OK
Every time that I go without you
Really bites the big one in the sky
This I swear for those who care
Makes me wanna break down and cry
So I don't and then I do
What the hell is it to you?
One day we laugh and then we cry
One day we live and then we die
Every time that I go without you
Really bites the big one in the sky
This I swear for those who care
Makes me wanna break down and cry
So I don't and then I do
What the hell is it to you?
One day we laugh and then we cry
One day we live and then we die
I look at you every morning true
Gonna keep you with me every day
This I swear for those who care
Is what makes life A-OK
You make life A-OK
You make life A-OK
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8. |
Sounding Like The Doors
03:31
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Alright!
Sometimes it can be fun
Imitating Morrison
Fly into a drunken rage
Or even whip it out on stage yeah
Hey I've heard it all before
All of your tunes sound like the doors
So when I take you back in time
You'll swear it's 1969
Yeah
One pair of leather pants
Never made it out of France
Took a bath when stoned and drunk
And like a stone he sunk
Petitioning the Lord
From inside a Ouija board
Gonna say it one more time
You'll swear it's 1969
Yeah
You know it aint no fun
Impersonating Morrison
When the cops are in your face
Swingin' clubs and sprayin' mace
So put away that Ouija board
I'm gonna sing it like the doors
Gonna tell ya one more time
You'll swear it's 1969 yeah
I'm gonna tell ya one more time
You'll swear it's 1969 hey
Gonna say it one last time
I'm stuck in 1969
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9. |
Blue On Christmas
03:14
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I get the Blues
So very blue on Christmas
I get so blue yes it's true
On Christmas
Choked on a bone at Grandma's dinner table
So now I'm blue
Turning blue for Christmas
I got O2 on my wish list
When I'm blue nothing else will do
Bit off more than I could chew my friend
Now dig this...
I get the blues
Cause I'm turning blue on Christmas
I hope somebody buys me a respirator
Yeah cause I surelt do want my color back
I hope somebody knows the heimlich maneuver
Before I cruise out of the blue
And into the black
I got the blues
So very blue on Christmas
Hey I get so blue yes it's true
On Christmas
Choked on a bone at Grandma's dinner table
So now I'm blue
Turning blue for Christmas
I got the blues
Turning blue on Christmas
I got the blues
Cause I'm turning blue on Christmas
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10. |
A Thousand Ghosts
03:59
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Once a thousand dead
Swirled around my head asking why
No one else could see them
They didn’t even try
How I wish that I could satisfy the voice of a single one
There is nothing I could do
Not one thing under the sun
There is nothing I could do
That aint already done
Try to shield my eyes behind the wall of stone
Still the call from above the sky
Aint never gonna leave me alone
How I long to satisfy the voices of each and every last one
There is nothing that I could do
That aint already done
Oh I can’t deal with it anyway
And so I turn my back and run
Run
How I wish that I could satisfy the voices of every last one
There is nothing I can do
That aint already done
There aint one thing that I can do under this or any sun
Still a thousand ghosts
Swirl around my head asking why
Nothing I can say so I don’t even try
No I don’t even try
I don’t even try
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11. |
I Hate The Winter
02:52
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Well I hate the winter
I aint going out of the door
I hate the winter
Aint going outside no more
Don’t wanna freeze to death
Before I’m half way to my car
That’ll be quite alright cause I aint gonna go nowhere
Thank you please all the same
I just aint gonna go anywhere
At one degree when it feels like forty below
Out there
I hate the winter
Because it really blows
I need to adjust my latitude
You know
Cold as a little bitch kitty
Wont you listen right here
Hey hey
Colder than a witch’s left titty
So I aint going nowhere
Beyond this door you never never
Gonna catch me there
Because I hate the winter
You know that it really blows
I need to adjust my lattitude
You know
Well I hate the winter
So I aint going out the door no more
Yes I hate the winter
And I aint going outside no more
Too darn cold
And I just can't take it no more
Too darn cold
And I just can't take it no more
Too darn cold
And I just can't take it no more
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12. |
Jingle Hell
02:25
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Did you ever wonder why
Santa's suit is red
Or how those reindeer fly
While chained up to a sled
Dead on Christmas Eve
You were a real A-Hole
So now you're gonna get a gift
That's way much worse than coal
Hey!
Jingle bells down in hell
Time to burn and roast
You could trim the Christmas Tree
While turning into toast
Jingle bells down in hell
The mistletoe has thorns
Watch your ass or get impaled
On Santa Claus' horns
Tormenting your soul
There's nothing you can do
All day you shovel coal
On this Christmas barbecue
Stuck down there in hell
Eternity so long
The only thing on the radio
Are Michael Jackson songs
Eww
***
I said watch your ass or get impaled
On Santa Claus' horns
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13. |
R Is For Road Rage
02:30
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Hey kids! Uncle Gary with a brand new ditty-doo about road rage.
Fasten your seat belts and let's go...
R is for Road Rage
The murderous feeling inside
O Obscene gestures
Hold them way up high
A for the Asshole
That run me offa the road
D the way he's Driving
Like a retarded 2 year old
Oh I sing the song of Road Rage
And shake my fist in the air
Acting like a total psycho
Because I'm too pissed off to care
Hmmmmm...
R (again) for Reefer
Hey they drive like they been smoking a ton
A Ammuinition
Good thing I aint got a gun
G for the Gasoline tank
I hope it freaking explodes
E a tribute to the EMT
That’s gotta scrape you off the road
Now remember kids think of your awesome Uncle Gary and sing this lil number any time some jerkoff decides they are gonna swerve into your lane without looking, or shine their brights into your eyes. It’ll come in handy every time…
Oh let's sing this song of Road Rage
And shake our fists and swear
Jumping up and down like a psycho
Because we're too pissed off to care
Oh yes we’re too pissed off to care
We’re too pissed off to care
Wooo….
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14. |
Checking Out The World
03:36
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123
Every thing we do is preconditioned
The outcome is always fixed so come here listen
Put on your aluminum foil hat
I am gonna tell you where it’s at…
No one has a past that goes un-checkered
Every thing you do is part of the record
Every word you say gets taken down
Dimensions of your private things abound
Checking out the world we must agree
Aint no kind of place for you and me
I bid goodbye to foe and love as well
See you in a brand new kind of hell
Aint no way to stop what you are getting
The love that is gonna outdo Armageddon
I hope I get to look into your eyes
The moment we begin to vaporize
Checking out the world it is today
Aint for us to keep it anyway
I bid goodbye to foe and love as well
See you a brand new kind of hell
On the other side of two thousand and twelve
On the other side of two thousand and twelve
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15. |
Toast
04:07
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Yesterday I had some toast for breakfast
Circumstances turned my smile around
No sooner than I had spread the butter
on my slice of toast
I spazzed out and dropped it to the ground
It always hits the floor with butter down
I always have a slice of toast for breakfast
It is what keeps the happiness around
Damn these butter fingers that made me drop it
Like the toast my life has fallen down
I said like the toast my life has fallen down
Wish I had a slice of toast for breakfast
The plate looks so empty; I miss my toast so dry
Since I fumbled and lost the toast at breakfast
I’m so alone it makes me wanna cry
I miss my crispy buttered slice of rye
Yesterday I dropped the toast at breakfast
Circumstances turned my life around
No sooner than I had spread the butter
on my slice of toast
I spazzed out and dropped it to the ground
It always hits the floor with butter down
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16. |
Dental Extraction
02:04
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Dental extraction really really hurts
Your jaw starts a-crackin'
The blood begins to squirt
I sure am no liar; my song is all about
The way they take the plier and rip 'em all out
Dental Extraction
Oral Subtraction
They open up your mouth and they shove a needle in
You walk around all day with spittle on your chin
Could slap you in the face; you would barely even know
Cause you’re full of Novocain and you’re number than a stone
Dental Extraction
No Satisfaction
Here we go…
They say don't be a baby; this won't hurt a bit
Long as you are paying nobody gives a shit
They come at you with vise grips, screwdrivers and the like
Soon you're gonna bleed like water from a dike
Dental Extraction
No Satisfaction
Dental Extraction
Oral Subtraction
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